Jordan's Page of Useless Babble

March '09

Through the Comments system at the bottom of just about every article on the site, you have the opportunity to converse with me. Share your thoughts, ask me questions, give me criticism and so on. I've compiled a few of the best comments from the last month that I want to share with you all and comment on. For the sake of accuracy, I'll keep all the formatting, spelling, punctuation and grammar the same as when I received the message so long ago.

And remember: if you have something to say to me, go ahead and say it! Check out the Questions/Comments link at the bottom of the page and let it spill!

Johnald the Sly writes:

Your newfangled commenting system makes it feel like someone squished a peanut butter cup between my butt cheeks.



Huh. I'm not really sure if this is a compliment or an insult. Is compressing a peanut butter cup betwixt your buttocks something that brings pleasure, or is it unpleasant? To help solve this riddle for the ages, I took the question to Google Fight.

Huh...that's not helping.
Huh...that's not helping.

Wow...I've taken it to Google Fight and even that's not really helping me. The masses have risen up as one and shouted "I don't know, maybe! It's about cake right?" Frankly I'm suprised that there were 1360 results found for either of the two. There's got to be some kind of fetish site involved here.

What a peanut butter cup squishing fetishist may look like.
What a peanut butter cup squishing fetishist may look like.

Mark writes:

You're a jew and I hate you with all of my soul
Also I sometimes touch myself at night while fantasizing about your eventual demise
I have chosen to describe it here in your shoutbox
First, I'll lure you into my country house. I will take you to the basement.
You'll find out something is wrong because the walls will be tarp coated
but by then it will be too late. I will have the rag to your mouth, chloroform
filling your pretty little jew lungs. You'll awake bound to a chair, and then the
real fun will begin...

I know I'm sexy and all, and as I mentioned here and here, I am total masturbatory material. But dude, chloroform? Not cool. You get the thumbs down for this. Goosestep your nazi-lovin', Hitler-humpin', cross-burnin', sheet-wearin' ass on out of here. Hehehehe, Godwin'd! writes:

k. i read ur article on those cakes man. wat a piece of shiat!!!!1 ur not funnie! U SUCK! all u can dois rite about food? wat the hell is it about the frozin food? every1 eats you dipshit! Ur not funny at all. ice box of horrors. mor like suck box of whores!11


like u shud do articles on wow. everyone likes wow. u cud walk around azeroth as like a gnome without armor and do stuff. yo, or you shud do comix like pa. gabes so funny. hes beeter then u.

only dont do wat ur doin. cause you suk.

U SUK!!!!111 lol

Wow...just wow. What rock did you crawl out from? It's got to be the one that somebody bludgeoned you over the head with repeatedly. Do a friggin' spellcheck! World of Warcraft pictures? Webcomics? I like WoW and webcomics and all, but there's way too much of that stuff out there. What I'm doing's original!

So in summary: go fuck yourself!

Ok, time for one last letter:

pevhzd writes:

JdvuuD juurwxanhhlo hodstfimffbk brjrxkfdxjyp idzajelgknxk.

And a good "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtan" to you too you illiterate soap-head.

So that about wraps it up for this installment of the Mail Bag. Remember, hit that Questions/Comments link below and talk to me. If it's good enough, bad enough or strange enough, it might just make it on another installment. Heck, if it's a good letter, I probably won't make fun of it!

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