Jordan's Page of Useless Babble

April - October '09

When I asked people back in March to spill what they had to say about the website, I was surprised to see that so little of you out there have anything to say. I have gotten some really interesting things from people that I've compiled and answered and now posted to all of you!

I've always felt that it was important to respond back to everybody who takes the time to email me. So, please, keep sending me stuff, either through , the Email button at the bottom of most every article (including this one), or leave a message on either the Blog or the Forum.

If what you write is wacky or thought-provoking enough, you may see it here in another Mail Bag!

cdqpg8 writes:

Would you like some coffee?

Why yes I would, thank you very much for asking.

I've never really been too keen on coffee, but I am a fan of coffee-drinks, both hot and cold. So, if you have it, I wouldn't mind either a large English toffee cappuccino or an iced cap from Tim Hortons. I'd really appreciate it.

Liquid crack.
Liquid crack.

Rerseceda writes:

Hello. Just some more question. Realy, please, help.
Question about Alcohol poisoning?

Thenk you. I am Waiting for answer!!!

Well, I'm not sure what your question is, but let me try to help you out. Alcohol isn't poisonous, but it can have a toxic effect on the body, which can become dangerous at high concentrations. When somebody has alcohol poisoning, you may see the following symptoms:

  • The afflicted may be confused or in a stupor or coma. You may not be able to rouse them.
  • They may be vomiting.
  • They may start to have seizures.
  • Their breathing might become much slower.
  • Their breathing might become irregular.
  • Their body temperature might drop, you may see paleness or a bluish tint to their skin.

Although people pass out from drinking alcohol every day, they may not have alcohol poisoning. If you believe somebody has alcohol poisoning, call 9-1-1, or your local emergency phone number right away and summon help. If you know first-aid, position the victim in such a manner that they won't choke on their own vomit.

David Hasselhoff demonstrating alcohol abuse.
David Hasselhoff demonstrating alcohol abuse.

Remember: alcohol poisoning can kill. The victim can choke to death on vomit, go into seizures, suffer brain damage, get hypothermia and literally freeze to death, they can stop breathing or their heart may simply stop breathing.

Also, Rerseceda, next time you immediately need help with something as serious as alcohol poisoning, please try phoning somebody instead of leaving an email to the owner of a humor-focused website, oh, and my deepest condolences for your loss..

5dlunbl writes:

I am not sure.

Well, if you're not sure, I don't know what can be done.

Bokwhothmew writes:

Hi Guys and Girls
Disregarding to this website content (even I like it very much), I would like today to talk abou different types of alternative sexuality.
Today we'll disuss the following:
Polyamory: This is the practice of having more than one intimate relationship at a time, with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. In polyamory there is
no partner swapping, as opposed to swinging where swapping is the norm. Polyamorous relationships are usually serious and long term.
We'll not tell your mom
To read more in such regards, welcome to the <redacted>
or find new friends you can here: <redacted>

Wow, Well, I guess that if I was in a polyamorous relationship I wouldn't be swinging. There really wouldn't even be a need to swap, since you could just introduce another partner into the group. It would sort of be like the Brady Bunch, only everybody is fucking.

But just like monogamous relationships lead to monogamous marriages; polyamorous relationships can lead to polygamous marriages. Those can get you in some real trouble: and I'm not talking about with the law, although that's bad too.

Women who live together have a tendency to synchronize their monthly cycles. That's right. Do you have a partner who, for one week a month, becomes totally scary? Well, imagine doubling that, or tripling it, or even more. It's a scary fucking concept.

Now, because of a restraining order, I haven't been able to ask my one, true love, Sheryl Crow what she thinks about polyamorous relationships. Now, I know that she's often collaborated with other musicians, but she's never collaborated with more than one at a time, so I assume that her romantic life is the same way. Now that that one-testicled biker is out of the picture, I might be able to worm my way into her heart! Thanks Bokwhothmew!

Hubba hubba.
Hubba hubba.

So that's it for this installment of the Mail Bag! Remember to drop me a comment, or write to me on the blog or forums.

If you want to avoid all hassle, email me at . Remember, all emails will be responded to, and if they're really good, they might make it to the Mail Bag!

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