Released: 2006
Recalled: 2007
I'm honestly surprised that a newer model of the Easy-Bake Oven is included in this list, instead of one of the older models. If you aren't a girl, I should probably describe this a bit.
Easy-Bake Ovens are electric toys that contain a 100 watt light bulb that's used to cook small cookies or cakes that kids mix up from kits. They push a pan into the device, wait a little bit and then push the pan out through the other side.
In 1991 Hasbro bought Kenner, the company that made Easy-Bake ovens. In 2006, the oven was redesigned to be front-loading, meaning that kids would now load and remove the pan from the front of the device instead of pushing it through to the other side.
How dangerous was it?
Kids didn't seem to 'get' the new design. By February of 2007, there had been around 29 reports of children getting their hands or fingers caught in the machine, as well as 5 reports of resulting burns. Hasbro issued a recall and offered a free retrofit kit to allow parents to fix the problem.
It did not work. By July of 2007, there were now 249 reports of kids getting caught in the machine and 77 reports of burns, including 16 reported as either second or third-degree burns. There was also a report of a burn so serious that it required the partial amputation of a 5-year-old girl's finger. After this, the ovens were fully recalled with Hasbro now offering vouchers in return.
So what happened?
With nearly one million of the redesigned ovens recalled, Hasbro's new design was a massive failure. The product was again redesigned in 2011 to use a dedicated heating element in place of the original light bulb design, because that's safer.
Released: 2003-2006
Recalled: 2007
Magnets are cool, and they can do a lot of neat things that make kids' eyes widen with amazement. They, like juggalos are absolutely blown away by magnets, and as a result, a lot of toys get made with magnets in them.
2007 was a particularly bad year for magnets as there were at least six recalls covering 79 products from four separate companies. That's a shit-ton of toys.
Included were generic panda-shaped magnets imported by Man's Trading Company, Batman, One Piece, Polly Pocket, Doggie Day Care and Barbie toys from Mattel, Magnetix building sets from Mega Brands and Mag Stix from Kipp Brothers.
Now that is a lot of recalls.
How dangerous was it?
The real danger comes from swallowing multiple magnets. When in the intestine, they can attract one another, which can lead to perforations that require surgery can be very deadly.
The Mattel toys were linked to three serious injuries, all of which required surgery to repair. Mega Brands was linked to one death, one inhalation of a magnet and 27 injuries to the intestines. Kipp Brothers was linked to 1 injury.
So what happened?
When the dust settled, and after all the recalls, companies began to re-evaluate how magnets were used in toys. This included redesigns, improved labelling and age recommendations and better warnings about the dangers of consuming magnets. We're still not really sure how they work though.
Released: 1962
Recalled: 1978
The Water Wiggle is a fine example of something that nobody in their right mind would approve for general sale in this day and age. It consists of a seven foot long plastic hose attached to a heavy aluminum jet nozzle and then capped with a bell-shaped plastic head, complete with goofy smile.
Water goes through the hose and into the jet nozzle, which propels the hose in random directions. A kid could get hit by the thing, but it's got a plastic cap, so it's not like the kids going to come away with much more than a shiner for their trouble. And if they do? Fuck 'em. Kids are way too soft today and need the occasional black eye to toughen them up.
The real problem came when the device was partially dismantled, something that was apparently so easy to do, even a child could do it. That transformed it from the drunken stepfather of the toy universe into the Stepfather (the 1987 horror film starring Terry O'Quinn) of the toy universe.
How dangerous was it?
Partially dismantled Water Wiggles were responsible for the deaths of a three year old in 1975 and four year old in 1978. In both cases, it appears that the aluminum jet nozzle became lodged in the child's throat and drowned them.
So what happened?
Water Wiggles were recalled in 1978, but by that time, about two and a half million of them were already out in the world.
Released: 1978
Recalled: 1979
In the late 70s, Mattel got their hands on the license to produce toys for Battlestar Galactica, which they were hoping would be the next big seller after Kenner's success with Star Wars. It was a much different time, when special effects were crappy and Cylons looked like evolved versions of KITT.
To Mattel's credit, the toys sold very well while Battlestar Galactica remained on the air. The problem however wasn't with the action figures, but the vehicles.
Four vehicles in particular: the Colonial Viper, the Colonial Scarab, the Colonial Stellar Probe and the Cylon Raiders all came with missiles that could be shot out of them, but as we've seen above, kids can be pretty stupid.
How dangerous was it?
Although the missiles met or exceeded all safety standards of the time, there were reported incidents of the missiles being swallowed or inhaled accidentally, one of which resulted in the death of a four-year-old.
So what happened?
Mattel offered a mail-in program where the missiles could be exchanged for a Hot Wheels car, and the Battlestar Galactica vehicles were redesigned so the missiles could no longer be shot from them. Boooooo.
Released: Some time in the 1950s? I don't really know.
Recalled: 1988
Come on, was there really any doubt here?
So, some time in the 50s, some guy got it in his head to create a game where you throw heavy, weighted darts towards a target on the lawn. To make sure they stick into the ground, they're given sharp steel spikes. So, you're effectively throwing a small javelin into the air. It's like horseshoes, but deadlier.
How dangerous was it?
Lawn darts are by and far the most dangerous toy to ever come out since the Bag-o-Glass. Responsible for over 7000 injuries (including one where a seven-year-old received a brain injury after a dart pierced his skull) and at least three deaths. Imagine being stabbed at a downwards angle by a sharpened length of steel. That's pretty much exactly what you should expect by being hit by a lawn dart.
So what happened?
Lawn darts were perma-banned in the US in 1988, and in Canada in 1989. Since then there have been a handful of injuries caused by people who stubbornly refuse to get rid of their ridiculously dangerous toys. A company called Sportcraft has recently come up with a soft-tipped lawn dart that contains weights inside. All the fun of lawn darts without any of the stabbing.
So there you have it. A mess of toys responsible for maiming, burning and scarring children everywhere, and we can't enjoy any of it. Thanks kids.
