What it really was:
Ahhh...reality TV. Where people don't have to act, not even politely. Trading Spouses was a FOX show where they would swap out the mothers in two family units. Then camera men would film as hilarity ensues. Now, in order to pay for this prostitution, FOX paid each family $50,000. Not too shabby for a couple of week's worth of inconvenience.
But there's a catch. The swapped mothers are the ones who get to choose what that money gets spent on, for the family they're paired with. Hilarity ensues yet again!
But there's another catch! FOX is made up of pure bastards, and so they decided to pair up families that would be as incompatible as possible. For example, this infamous scene with Southern Baptist contestant Marguerite Perrin as she returns home to her family to report back to them that she was paired up with a New Age family.
Yeah, people ate that shit up. And they brought her back a second time. And both times were two-part specials. Damn, they should have just called it the Crazy Bitch hour and put her on camera without a script.
Trading Spouses: the Porno:
A producer pays two women $50,000 each to switch husbands for a week. One woman does everything her temporary-hubby could possibly want. The other one bitches and complains the entire time before leaving early and then giving a lengthy speech to her family before throwing away the money because she believes it to be dirty. She later changes her mind and keeps the money.
Rating: 
What it really was:
If you don't know what this is, look at the video just above. Odds are you recognize the theme song. Why? Because this was the most popular sitcom for years, and it's still on today. Ward and June Cleaver are the proud parents of Wally and the Beaver. That's pretty much the entire premise. Seriously. There's not really much to it, but the show was the first to actually show a toilet on television.
Plots typically revolved around some silly mishap that befell Wally and the Beav, at which time they'd be punished mildly for their indiscretion, be given a talking to and then all would be right with the world. Of course, after punishment time was over, we got to hear Barbara Billingsly say those eleven little words that made watching the show so much fun:
To this day I'm convinced it's that line that got her that role in Airplane!
Leave it to Beaver: the Porno:
Ward and June Cleaver lead a careless child-free existence. June takes total charge of the relationship sexually, but enjoys some S&M play with Ward. He gets a little overzealous leading her to ask him "Ward, weren't you a little hard on the beaver last night?"
Google Eye-Bleach Factor:
What it really was:
Oh geeze, do I really have to hash this all out again? Ok, very quick summary: Jon and Kate Gosselin got married and had twins. Then Kate decided she wanted more children and got in-vitro fertilization treatments. When doctors discovered that Kate was carrying six babies they tried to argue for selective reduction but were turned down. Once she spawned her six crotch-goblins, the family was made the subject of a documentary. Documentary led to television show, show led to popularity, popularity led to hatred, hatred led to suffering and suffering led to putting the show in indefinite hiatus until a lawsuit was resolved.
There's more drama here than a Shakespeare festival, and even with the show effectively cancelled (as it could take years until the lawsuits that TLC has against Jon, and the one Jon has against TLC to be resolved) the family continues to make the news for a variety of shenanigans so absolutely retarded, they make Britney Spears look like a quaker.
Hell, this isn't even the first time I've written about this TV show. See: John & Kate Plus an Extended Custody Battle and The End of the Eight. At this point, I'm sick of talking about them, but I continue to, because they have an awesome porno-title, and I'm not alone in that. There is actually a Jon and Kate-themed porno: Jon and Kate Fuck Eight. Seriously. Look it up.
Jon & Kate Plus Eight: the Porno:
Kate emasculates Jon by cuckolding him and engaging in affairs with eight men. Jon whines ineffectively and ends up divorcing Kate, then moving to New York where he has unfulfilling relationships with a stripper and reporter before losing his house and a sizable portion of his paycheck to his former wife.
Google Eye-Bleach Factor:
What it really was:
Gary Coleman plays lovable scamp Arnold, who with his brother Willis are adopted by the rich Mr. Drummond. The boys, who had been poor are 'fishes out of water' in their new surroundings, but the show mainly plays out like an updated version of Leave it to Beaver. The boys get in mischief, are lightly punished, make a few wise cracks, everybody laughs and that's a wrap.
Diff'rent Strokes is also notable for having several 'very special episodes' that dealt with subjects like pregnancy, bulimia, child molestation, drugs and so on. Of course, most of the money Gary Coleman made was misappropriated by his parents, and he ended up going bankrupt and now works as a security guard, who is barely taller than he was back in 1986 when the show was cancelled.
But this show is not without it's porno-connections. Dana Plato, the woman who played stepsister Kimberley was knocked up during the show's run and let go from the cast. She later became a pill-popper and posed for Playboy in 1989.
Diff'rent Strokes: the Porno:
Arnold and Wesley are adopted by Mr. Drummond and come to live with him in his Park Avenue penthouse. While there, they meet with their new stepsister Kimberley who teaches them that the world don't move to the beat of just one drum and what might be right for you might not be right for some. They got diff'rent strokes. It takes diff'rent strokes. It takes, diff'rent strokes to move the world.
Google Eye-Bleach Factor:
What it really was:
Malcom is the middle child still living at home with his brothers Reese and Dewey. They live in a dysfunctional family (ala FOX programming) with their overbearing mother and stressed out father. Although the players have changed, this too, like many other shows on this list, follow the Leave it to Beaver formula, where basically the boys get into trouble, then get punished, with humor thrown in.
The show wasn't exceptionally popular, mainly because FOX kept changing it's timeslot. Eventually it was the lowest rated show on the network, but still held on for seven seasons and a proper finale.
Malcom in the Middle: the Porno:
Frankie Muniz takes the shit-load of money he's made from television, movie roles and his auto-racing career and does what every man dreams of: two chicks at the same time. Now he truly is Malcom in the middle.
Google Eye-Bleach Factor:
