Jordan's Page of Useless Babble

It's that time of year again. Chocolate and flowers are on sale everywhere, Hallmark executives sport 12-inch raging hard-ons and everybody out there except for you is getting some. Well, at least you still have booze...booze and chocolate.

Remember when you were a kid? When you'd go to school expectantly, hoping to get a surge of small cardboard tokens of approval from your classmates, and then when it came down to it, the only card you got was the one your teacher gave out to everybody? And then you cried? And then everybody started laughing at you and giving you nicknames that stuck well into college? No? Well, I guess that repression therapy is doing the trick then!

Last year I released a small taste of the Valentines day cards that had been rejected by all the major, and several dozen of the minor greeting card companies. What kid in their right mind is going to get the box of valentines that have a Golden Girls / Night Court theme anyway? Anyway, I've dug through the files again, and came up with another sweaty handful of cards for you people, all the better to help you forget your crippling loneliness for a few minutes.

Why not find the one that suits you best, print it out, and share it with somebody who will soon put out a restraining order on you?

Lord of the Rings

Star Wars

Zombi 2

Legend of Zelda

Jurassic Park

Kill Bill

Lethal Weapon


Star Wars

Silence of the Lambs

Roseanne Barr

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Did you like this article? Then try:

Bookmark and Share